Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
