I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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