Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
