i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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