That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
