Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
