So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
