I've blown a few things in my day
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
