she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
