She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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