I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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