It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
