I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize