After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
