we're blogging at a bar
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
