When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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