Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
