he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
