I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
