Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you bring me the toilet please
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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