I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
