He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
