i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
