Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
