That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
