I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
