Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
