I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
