Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
