Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
