Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
