I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
