then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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