so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
