you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
