So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
