guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
