I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
