someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
