The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
