Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
