Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
