Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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