every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
