dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
