She said her name was "party"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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