You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
