is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
