What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
