It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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