What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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