I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
