I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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