We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize