Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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