Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
