Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
