I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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