So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
