Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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